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L’apocalipsi segons Noé, el manetes del barri

  Quan al veïnat van començar a aparèixer rumors que la gent s’havia tornat encara més estúpida de l’habitual, vaig pensar: “Res nou”. Però un dia, mentre feia cua al supermercat per comprar cafè i cinta americana, vaig rebre una trucada inesperada. "Hola, Noé? Escolta, la cosa està molt xunga. Hem de parlar." Així va començar el meu malson... i la construcció de l’arca més cutre que mai heu vist. Va resultar que la terra estava "corrompuda i plena de violència". Vaja, com qualsevol dilluns al metro. Però aquesta vegada era més greu. Em van dir que havia de salvar el món construint una mena de nau espacial... però flotant. Una arca, em deien. Vaig pensar que era una broma, però no. Era jo, una serra i una pila de fusta resinosa. Les instruccions eren clares, però inhumanes. "Cento quaranta metres de llarg, vint-i-tres d’ample i catorze d’alt. I tres pisos, eh? Que no falti espai." Vaig fer càlculs ràpids i vaig entendre que necessitava més cinta americana....

How to Look Like a Work of Art and Not Even Try


You know, there are people who wake up, take one look in the mirror, and wonder, "Am I art? Or am I just that effortlessly stunning?" Now, if I were ever painted, I’d probably resemble something more akin to an abstract disaster. But this image? Oh, this is a whole different game. I mean, seriously, it’s as if someone looked at natural beauty, threw a bit of watercolor drama onto it, and then casually dropped some bold, confident lines, like, “Yeah, no big deal, I’m just perfect.”

The artist here? They didn’t just capture a face; they encapsulated vibes. Like, the kind of vibes that say, “I woke up like this, and I’m not even remotely sorry.” The sharp details mixed with the soft hues make me feel like this woman exists in some alternate universe where everyone always looks this ethereal after a nap. It’s the hair—the perfectly unbothered curls, those earrings that could only ever be paired with a self-assured smirk, and the skin that looks like it’s glowing, but you know it’s just the lighting. Oh, and the look in her eyes? That’s a "don’t even try it" gaze that says she’s already ten steps ahead.

And let’s not overlook the brushwork. There’s a certain chaotic energy to it, like the artist was like, “I could color inside the lines, but where’s the fun in that?” This isn’t just a portrait; it’s an attitude, an expression, a flex, really. You might want to be her, or at least borrow her cool for a day. Spoiler: you can't. This level of casual perfection is reserved for works of art like her. For the rest of us, well, there’s always Instagram filters.


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