The Secret Life of a Retired Superhero: From Capes to Walkers

So, you think life as a superhero is all about capes, masks, and swooping in to save the day, don’t you? Well, let me tell you a secret—once you've spent decades saving the world from villains, there comes a time when gravity isn’t just a force you defy; it’s a force that relentlessly drags you down to your walker. Yes, you read that right—your walker.

Imagine, if you will, the mightiest superhero, once leaping tall buildings in a single bound, now barely managing to step over the cat. The stealthy figure in the image above? That's me now. I may still wear my dark, mysterious cloak (for dramatic effect, obviously), but I’ve swapped my lightning-fast reflexes for the steady, reliable grip of a four-wheeled walker. You can still be cool at 85, right?

And let’s not even talk about the knees. You remember those flashy boots I wore to defeat galactic warlords? Yeah, now they come with extra cushioning, orthopedic soles, and a lift to even out my bad hip. That cape billowing in the wind? It now doubles as a blanket for those midday naps that hit harder than any villain ever could.

But hey, you still need me. Yes, you! The world may have new heroes, but there's wisdom in old age. You don’t want to miss out on the sage advice that can only come from decades of bashing heads and mastering the art of witty comebacks. I’ve got stories to tell, and believe me, you’ll want to hear them—because if you’re not laughing at the inevitable journey of aging, you're crying.

Need a hero? Sure. Need someone to talk you through the perils of knee braces and arthritis-friendly capes? Even better. Keep reading, because if you think you're going to avoid this stage in life, I’ve got news for you—gravity comes for us all, baby.